SF Psychotherapy

HAS A LOSS CHANGED YOU OR YOUR LIFE? Death? Divorce? Career? Empty Nest?

I have openings in my practice for grief therapy.

In our culture, many people don't know how to handle being there for someone who is grieving especially after the initial loss. They may make you feel like you should have moved on already or they just don't know what to say. This can leave you lonely and like you have to put on a show for other people. Maybe you scold yourself and say "I should be back to normal now." But despite what they say, time is not all you need to heal all wounds. Here's some reasons you might come to see me:

* You lost someone important to you, such as a parent, spouse , friend, partner, or sibling

* You lost a beloved pet.

* You have had a miscarriage or experienced a still birth and nobody seems to get it.

There are other life events that trigger grieving that do not have to do with the loss of life.

* Your primary relationship has ended - yes mourning a broken marriage or long term relationship is normal too.

* Your career has ended and you feel like you have lost your identity. The same can be true if your kids have moved out.

Due to any of these situations, You may be numb and worry that you are not feeling what you are "supposed to feel". You may be experiencing chronic irritability, exhaustion or worry or, you may be numb. You may be having trouble functioning or even feel like you don't know who you are anymore. You may be isolating because it just feels like too much to be fully in the world.

Does guilt plague you, making you wish you could have done something differently to prevent the loss or alter your last interaction with your loved one? Are you regularly reminded of what you lost doing simple, everyday things? Do you wish you could find a way to live fully again?

While it may be difficult to imagine that you can ever feel “normal,” let alone secure and happy again, it is possible for you to reengage in life. Grieving is not a passive path or something to be waited out. Working through healing is an active process. If your loss is due to death, this is because grief is a continuation of the relationship you had with your loved one. Though your relationship has changed through physical separation, you continue to carry those you have lost inside of you. Their memory continues to change your way of interacting with or being in the world. This is especially important to remember if your loss occurred long ago – you may still be facing the invisible effects of grief in your fear of intimacy, in your insistence on serving as a caretaker, refusal to count on anyone or in many other ways. Regardless of when your loss took place, bottling up emotions only allows them to grow. When you try to go around grief instead of through it, it sets up house in your unconscious mind. That’s when the monkey – ­your unconscious mind ­– gets to drive, and you don’t make conscious choices about where you are going. The risk of your physical health being affected is very real too.

During grief counseling sessions, I can teach you tools to cope with your sadness and other emotions. As you are ready, we can begin to unpack memories of your loved one that you are carrying. I can help you to piece things together and see life changing events in a new perspective.

Although it seems that grief counseling could help you through this devastating time, you may still have questions or concerns…

you may think you should just be stronger and tough this out on your own.

While you may believe that you should just find your inner strength and make yourself feel better, grief does not function this way. In order for you to grieve in a healthy way, you must engage in an active role in your own process. An experienced grief counselor can help you acknowledge and accept deep hurts in a safe, supportive environment. Denial or self-judgment only compounds emotional, mental and even physical pains, and you deserve to take the time to nurture yourself.

None of us have a choice about some transitions that happen to us, but we do have a choice in how we address and handle it. Even if we choose to divorce or retire, the reality of it can still slap us in the face.

During grief counseling, I will listen to your experience with compassion and patience. You may even be incredibly angry right now. If that’s the case, I will listen to that anger without judgment. Even more importantly, I can help you reconstruct your memories and find a broader meaning in this experience. With an increased understanding of the broader meaning of loss and transition, you can become more comfortable with frightening questions and begin to reconnect and live again.

If you are ready to begin the process of moving through your grief into your future, I invite you to text me at (650) 269-1688 to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation to answer any questions you have about grief counseling and my practice. I have been a therapist since the 1990s and care deeply about my patients.

I do most of my work in Zoom now, but can see some patients in person on Thursdays. I am an out-of-network provider, which means I do not work with insurance companies directly, but I will provide you with a monthly Superbill you can use to file a claim yourself.